if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
