I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
