I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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