I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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