my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
