i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
