STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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