Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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