If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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