this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
and she was petting her beer can
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
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