doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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