Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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