I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
