The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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