hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
lets start a swedish sibling band together
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
