just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
