hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
party gras won. party gras always wins.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
