i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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