How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
