nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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