A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
