I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
