I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
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She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
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Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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