Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
