please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
