whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
