So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
