I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
