I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
