Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
