Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
