Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
