haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
