What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
