evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
