she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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