our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
