having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Bring me that man meat
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize