Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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