New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
