I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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