I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
