very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
