The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
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i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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