he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize
