You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
