Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
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