I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
