hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
