If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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