similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
