well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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