Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just pynch a tree in the face
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
