i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
