ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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