Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(914): View more from New York

you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge

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(323): View more from California

Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.

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(319): View more from Iowa

I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.

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(515): View more from Iowa

His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.

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(850): View more from Florida

I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.

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(925): View more from California

His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...

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(804): View more from Virginia

woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.

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