I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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