We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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