Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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