If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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