If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
