you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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