So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
dude i'm inner monologue high
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
