Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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