so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
sarcasm needs its own font
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
