boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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