I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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